I haven’t dated in almost a decade, and the dating landscape has changed quite a bit since then, so I did some research and testing to find the best way to meet new people. Here are some things I have found.
Dating Apps
According to the book Love, Inc.: Dating Apps, the Big White Wedding, and Chasing the Happily Neverafter by Laurie Essig, dating apps are designed in such a way “that encourages young people to not “catch the feels.” In other words, the apps are designed to fail. People have started recognizing this, prompting one app., Hinge, to create ad campaigns emphasizing that the app was designed to be deleted. It’s a cute ad, but the only way dating app companies make money is to have as many single people as possible in the population. They have to fail to make a profit.
There are also so many apps out there that it is hard to actually find someone unless you are on bunches of them. Furthermore, people are constantly chasing the latest app trend, which means you have to keep up with these trends and spend considerable money in order to even have a chance at meeting someone.
Lastly, many apps have been targeted by people trying to drive traffic to their websites or social media platforms to make more money. And, of course, there are a variety of scams out there that start on dating apps.
Going Analog
Your best bet in 2022, if you seriously want to meet someone, is by going analog. Of course, you will be mixing in some technology, but for the most part, your best bet is to go out into the world and meet people.
Bars
Bars continue to be a decent place to meet people if you think about the type of people you want to meet and match the bar to what you’re looking for. For example, I’ve met several people by going to small music venues. Because I’m pretty particular about the live music I see, I know fairly quickly that we have at least one thing in common, and it gives us a place to start for conversation. Since we met and started talking, they are all still in my life as friends. Had it been via a dating app, we would have swept each other away forever.
Classes
Because so many of us spend at least 12 years in school, meeting someone in class is natural. We know how to do that. The trick is that you can’t be disingenuous about the class you’re taking. It can’t be a class solely for the purpose of meeting someone. If you’re not genuinely interested in the class, you might just as well stick to swiping left and right. I have a variety of classes I take and certainly would take more, given the time. I am curious and want to know things; the other people in class recognize that, and we bond over the activity.
Meetup and Facebook Events
Meetup is an older app that I had forgotten. But recently, I met a woman who uses Meetup to find a variety of activities, so I have added it and have attended a couple of events. Facebook events is similar to Meetup but is less focused and a little harder to find the exact events you’re looking to attend. Meetup allows you to choose the time, place, and type of venue, so there is more precision and less scrolling through pages of irrelevant events. You will, however, see some overlap. In the end, even if you don’t meet a potential partner, you’ll have a much better time than staring at a screen all day and wondering why people don’t swipe right on you.
Cafés
If you’ve ever seen my Instagram feed, you know how much time I spend at coffee shops and cafés. The one thing I can tell you about café culture is that you can’t walk in the door one day and just start meeting people. It could happen, but once you become a regular, you find that people open up to you. So now, when I see people from the cafés around town, we stop and talk. I’ve also become somewhat of a regular trivia teammate of the people working at one of my favorite coffee shops. (Full disclosure, I’m writing from one of those cafés right now.)
Bottom Line
You can get lucky with dating apps, but remember that they are designed to keep you single and paying as long as possible. Also, people tend to write profiles for the person they want to be or think they are. For example, I’ve seen hundreds of profiles that mention dance as a favorite activity, yet, I’ve never seen those people at any of the many dance events I attend. On the other hand, if you see someone at a 5K, a salsa party, or a stargazing event, you know that person actually gets out and does those things.
Go out, but go out with the intention of living the life you want to lead as opposed to going out focused solely on dating. Then, you have a much better chance of meeting someone on the same journey.
Henry James Morello 